An explosion of noise woke me. It sounded as if a dozen express trains had run over the cats' tails. A succession of loud thumpings followed. I peeked around the corner of the living room to see the shadow outlined against the dawn sky outside the window. The top appeared first, a hemispherical shape, crowned with two triangular protrusions on either side. One leg curled weirdly around the box as the other came to rake down the opposite side, leaving furrows in its wake. A third leg scrabbled for purchase before finally sinking claws into the cardboard and heaving the entire mass up to straddle the towering box. A triumphant meow ended in a coughing fit as my fat, asthmatic Circe sat wheezing on top of her prize. That was when the tatamis came...
Or rather, that was the morning the cats discovered that the tatamis had come. They wouldn't leave the box alone. Every day that week, I'd come home from work to find them perched on top of it, stuffing their paws into the holes in the cardboard. Each vying for position, bouncing the other off the top of the four-foot tower, claws splaying to hold on when the other set the box to rocking on its uneven bottom. Or they'd be staking out the base of the box, making more holes with curious claws and exploring the place where I'd crushed the box by dropping it when it arrived. I came home one day to find Abbycat lying in a pile of shredded box bits, the lopsided base a little more lopsided than it had been when I'd left. My living room smelled like grass. Like nasty, dry, dusty, gross grass. Luckily, I was taking the mats to practice that Sunday, so I loaded the holey box into the truck before going to work on Friday. It was weirdly warm that day, but I thought nothing of it... until school was over.
Lovely, sunshiney day, full of warmth and light that mocked the horror that awaited when I returned to my vehicle. I opened the door, only to be hit with a wave of stink, nearly solid in its very awfulness. My truck smelled like something had died in it. Tatamis. Cripes, the smell. They had apparently been baking in the oven-like heat of the interior of the truck, turning the nasty, dry, dusty, grassy smell into a rotten stink the likes of which put that skunk the boys spooked a few weeks ago to shame. I can't even describe it properly, but can say that I was extremely glad to offload them at the Professor's on Sunday. And with a few days leaving the windows down in the cold, my truck no longer reeks.
The last half of Sunday practice was spent learning how to roll and bind up tatami mats and sharpen swords. Thankfully the fresh, cold air in the garage kept the mats from reeking too much. It was fun- the Professor set up stations. Half of us were on mat duty, rolling the tatamis up tight, fastening them with rubber bands. The others were focusing on the care and feeding of swords- learning how to de-rust them, sanding, polishing, sharpening. Then we'd switch. My baby Pavel (she still needs a name) was getting a bit of surface rust and a lot of dings, so it was nice to get her cleaned up. And Bacia the sharp got her edges honed and the dings buffed out too. Oooh, so now that I know how to care for them, the Professor can't claim I'd be a bad sword mom to the Brescia Spadona we've had our eyes on.
Old New Guy will henceforth be known as Harnisfechten. New New Guy is just New Guy. For now, anyway. So for practice, I was paired up with Harnisfechten. We were "defending the wall"- an exercise where one of us was the attacker, one the defender, and the only goal was to use the meisterhau to whack the defender in the head with a good, technical, strike. The defender was trying not to get nailed, using the vier versetzen we'd been practicing, along with anything else that would keep his head from getting crushed. We were to take turns, each of us getting hit ten times before switching places. I guess Harnisfechten and I were doing pretty well- we never did make it to ten hits when quitting time came :-)
We got to try cutting some of the mats the following week. The Professor had soaked them, and we all had to practice spiking them properly, then cutting. Note: tatamis do not feel at all like pool noodles. The pool noodles were great for sword alignment- if your sword wasn't angled exactly right, the noodle just went flying off- but you might not know exactly why. Just hitting the tatami gave great feedback. More snap was needed if you didn't make it through. You could exactly see where in your strike you turned the blade, or whether you'd thrown too much hip into it or didn't have enough power. We used the little chunks as apples to practice scheitels, learned about scalloping and mountaining and clean cuts, and to remember our purpose- even if the cut wasn't super-perfect, the guy on the receiving end would still have a really bad day. When cutting, as with everything else, I still need to work on my footwork. I still tend to fairy foot- I need to figure out a way to be sure I plant my heel every time. Maybe tap shoes would help. I can see it now, out on the porch or the concrete around the pool, trying to be sure to CLICK my heel down with every swing. It might work. I'm sure it would be entertaining for the neighbors and the dog anyway. Or annoying. One or the other.
We also practiced more of the vier versetzens and meisterhaus, trying to reinforce and drill responses into us all, and serving as a reminder for New Guy. I paired up with him for this one, and so we practiced listening to the windows, countering the meisters, and reviewing (and learning for some) the zorn ort play. I suspect the Professor might be wanting to use that one for the demo at my school next week. It's a fun play at least, and one I actually remember. Usually. Thankfully, New Guy doesn't seem to mind my weird mumblings to myself and odd interpretations. Actually, I think he GETS me, which is kind of fun too. At least, he understands my desire to take notes and reword everything. His footwork is still better than mine though. Grr.
I came home after sword practice on Sunday completely worn out, so crawled into bed. It was chilly, and normally I love that for sleeping. When I got up though, it wasn't any warmer. I cranked up the heat before work, but came home to find it just as cold. Figures when the temperature reaches a high of 33 outside that THAT would be exactly when my heat goes out. The heater gets an attitude in winter, and starts sucking in extra air until it can't seem to do anything else. I tried practicing my meisterhau to keep warm, but it's too flipping cold outside, just as cold in here, and I gave up after dropping my sword twice. So I figured I'd write instead, but it's even colder when you're not moving. Luckily though, my custom-made SPES AP gambeson finally arrived this week, so I'm wearing it and my undergloves to blog right now. I'm hoping that to break it in a bit, because as of now it's REALLY not comfortable. Everywhere I gave a measurement seems to be ok, but the in-between bits aren't so much. But it is warm, so right now it's serving a vital purpose :)
The last thing I discovered this week doesn't really fit in anywhere, so I'll just tack it on last. At practice, the guys are always trying to set up practice sessions during the week. I'd love to join, but an hour and a half each way is too much on a school night. So when I practice, I have to go solo. I need to get a pell or something so that I'm not just faking everything. I can beat my imaginary partners handily every time, but unfortunately they apparently suck, because when I spar with the boys on Sundays, I don't do nearly so well. With it being so cold outside, I've been trying to do at least my hundred cuts daily- all the meisterhaus from left and right. On the up side, being forced to be right-handed for the last few weeks has been great for getting me used to fighting from either side. But just doing the strikes didn't seem super-useful. I still practice my durchwechselns with Circe, but she's getting cleverer, and has gotten much faster, so it's getting trickier. Abby just lays around and stares at me like I'm a nut when I practice. But Tonka, my dear Uberfluffen, he's always right nearby, hoping to play. And with his help, I hit on this weird but genius way to practice.
I'd been trying to practice the moves that I'd learned with RJ at Longpoint, trying to move my sword without revealing my intent. When I'd told the Professor about it, I couldn't remember the right terminology. Basically, I wanted to practice not foreshadowing my moves, I'd told him. Not giving away my intent with tells. It wasn't feinting really, just trying not to let people know what I was doing. Trying to pop the point of my sword and get moving without forecasting or telegram-ing my plan. You know when things are right there but you can't for the life of you get it right? TELEGRAPHING. I was trying to not do it. But practicing in a mirror doesn't really help, because you KNOW when you're going to move, even if you try not to let on.
Anyway, poor Uberfluffen is missing his pal Roscoe, and he's hating being stuck inside on cold days. So he's dying to play, most of the time. When he gets too bored, he goes on these crazy tears, running all around the house, circling rooms and furniture at top speed, crashing into things when he doesn't turn tight enough, then slamming to a halt right in front of whoever's in the room. He sits there, legs splayed, rump in the air, all tense and waiting for someone to make a move so that he can go tearing around again. He'll do it over and over again until he collapses in a panting heap. As I was playing with him, getting him wound up and sending him tearing around the place again, I noticed that he didn't always take off the first time I moved- if he saw it coming, he stayed frozen. If I startled him, he'd take off like a nutcase. To test if it was consistent, I grabbed a stick and tried it again. Sure enough, if I moved before the stick, he stayed still, tense and staring. If I managed to pop the stick so it moved before I did, it sent him off like shot, zigzagging all over the place and bouncing off the furniture. The next day, I tried it with a stick dragon. Same deal. If I managed to move the dragon without the rest of me giving it away, he was off and running. If I leaned forward, or made any indication that I was going to move, he just stayed there, staring. Finally earlier this week, I tried the sword. It worked! So now the fuzzy boy gets more exercise running around like a freak, and I get to practice not telegraphing with someone who doesn't know what I'm thinking. And he never reminds me about my fairy feet.
Once upon a time, there was a shy library bunny who wanted to (hopefully someday) become a slightly better than average swordswoman...
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Friday, November 7, 2014
Weeks 29 & 30 - Throwing Twinkies Out the Window
As a librarian in an elementary school, I often get the usually boring job of teaching the kids all about atlases, almanacs, encyclopedias, thesauruses and other super-exciting reference resources. I try to make it fun- we do an amazing race twist for the atlases, look up most popular video games and fastest roller coasters in almanacs, research weird animals in the encyclopedias... but my favorite is always the dictionary.
Ok, so yes, I asked for an unabridged dictionary one year for Christmas. I was an English major, so sue me. I like words, especially those archaic and super-specific words. Unfortunately, at school we only have these lame student dictionaries that include things like "dog" and "ice cream," which the kids already know, but pass right by "okapi" and "arachibutyrophobia," which are so much cooler. (Okapis are these little dark brown African deer-looking critters with zebra-striped rumps, and arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth, just in case you wondered.) But with the lame dictionaries, we can't look up fun stuff like that, so I have to compromise. I have them look up most of the words in the lame dictionaries, but then they have to use the big unabridged one to look up DEFENESTRATE. That one's been my favorite for years, ever since I leaned what it meant. And the kids are hilarious when they find the definition. Reactions range from "No way!" to "She said she'd throw us out the window?!" (It's one of my favorite 'dire consequences' to deter misbehavior. They get a kick out of it since the windows are only about six inches off the ground.) I used to threaten my little brother with defenestration too, but those plans got scrapped when he ended up taller than I was. I always hoped though... someday I'd make it happen!
Fast forward. For the past two weeks, we've been working on the sprechfensters- speaking windows. If I've got it right, when you find yourself with your sword in langenort, you try to use your spidey-fullen sense to figure out what the other guy is going to do with his sword. If he applies no pressure, just wind in or duplieren or something. If he does apply pressure, use his force on your sword as leverage, travel after him and whack him in nachriessen with a nice oberhau. I think this is one of the ones I actually understand- I just have difficulties in actually doing it correctly when it's at combat speed. Apparently this is another one of those muscle memory things, that eventually will become second nature. I'm thinking really though that my second nature must be part rabbit, part sloth: my reactions to swordy things seem to be either panicky self-preservation or terribly slow recognition and reaction. If I'm watching others fight, I can see what should be done. Just can't seem to translate that to my own situation when I'm fighting, at least not in time for it to actually matter. It's a bit frustrating.
We had another new guy come join us, so now we have Old New Guy and New New Guy, at least until they get better nicknames. New New Guy did fencing in college or something, so it's not entirely revolting that his footwork and stance are already better than mine. But it is a little. New Guy and Old New Guy were paired up, Deadpool was with Mr. Piccolo (old student of the Professor's from before my time), and, much like the Hostess factory itself, our very own Twinkie finally returned from the brink of obscurity and came back to practice this week too, and we paired up. With the new and newly returned folks, the Professor had us review the meisterhau and the vier versetzens to be sure we were all on the same page. Twinkie's got an injured paw too, so we were working with the sabres again for this exercise. Working with the off hand takes a lot of getting used to, but I guess the up side is that I'll be ambidextrous when I can finally use my left hand again.
After the vier versetzens, the Professor re-explained the sprechfenster and had us all practice those. We were supposed to do an uncooperative spar, starting off from longpoint and going wherever the wind took us, based on whether or not there was pressure applied to the blade at any given time. Twinkie's out of practice and was learning them for the first time, I was using my off hand again, and we hadn't much sabre experience anyway, so it was an interesting experiment. I think I understood what we were doing enough to get the idea- at least I was able to turn most of my langenorts into successful attacks, when we went slowly anyway. Then it was Twinkie's turn to do the same. I'm not sure how well we did, but when the Professor came by, he didn't have a whole lot of criticism, so I suppose that's good. We did a lot of watching the other guys too, then traded off partners a bit and tried it with masks also. Head shots only, and we were supposed to be sprechfenstering and watching for our windows to be open. Best part?
As the Professor put it: "If I am standing in the speaking window, and you do something that forces me to break that guard, then in a very real sense, I have been forced out of the window, see? Defenestrated."
So technically, I finally got to defenestrate someone! Woohoo!
Ok, so yes, I asked for an unabridged dictionary one year for Christmas. I was an English major, so sue me. I like words, especially those archaic and super-specific words. Unfortunately, at school we only have these lame student dictionaries that include things like "dog" and "ice cream," which the kids already know, but pass right by "okapi" and "arachibutyrophobia," which are so much cooler. (Okapis are these little dark brown African deer-looking critters with zebra-striped rumps, and arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth, just in case you wondered.) But with the lame dictionaries, we can't look up fun stuff like that, so I have to compromise. I have them look up most of the words in the lame dictionaries, but then they have to use the big unabridged one to look up DEFENESTRATE. That one's been my favorite for years, ever since I leaned what it meant. And the kids are hilarious when they find the definition. Reactions range from "No way!" to "She said she'd throw us out the window?!" (It's one of my favorite 'dire consequences' to deter misbehavior. They get a kick out of it since the windows are only about six inches off the ground.) I used to threaten my little brother with defenestration too, but those plans got scrapped when he ended up taller than I was. I always hoped though... someday I'd make it happen!
Fast forward. For the past two weeks, we've been working on the sprechfensters- speaking windows. If I've got it right, when you find yourself with your sword in langenort, you try to use your spidey-fullen sense to figure out what the other guy is going to do with his sword. If he applies no pressure, just wind in or duplieren or something. If he does apply pressure, use his force on your sword as leverage, travel after him and whack him in nachriessen with a nice oberhau. I think this is one of the ones I actually understand- I just have difficulties in actually doing it correctly when it's at combat speed. Apparently this is another one of those muscle memory things, that eventually will become second nature. I'm thinking really though that my second nature must be part rabbit, part sloth: my reactions to swordy things seem to be either panicky self-preservation or terribly slow recognition and reaction. If I'm watching others fight, I can see what should be done. Just can't seem to translate that to my own situation when I'm fighting, at least not in time for it to actually matter. It's a bit frustrating.
We had another new guy come join us, so now we have Old New Guy and New New Guy, at least until they get better nicknames. New New Guy did fencing in college or something, so it's not entirely revolting that his footwork and stance are already better than mine. But it is a little. New Guy and Old New Guy were paired up, Deadpool was with Mr. Piccolo (old student of the Professor's from before my time), and, much like the Hostess factory itself, our very own Twinkie finally returned from the brink of obscurity and came back to practice this week too, and we paired up. With the new and newly returned folks, the Professor had us review the meisterhau and the vier versetzens to be sure we were all on the same page. Twinkie's got an injured paw too, so we were working with the sabres again for this exercise. Working with the off hand takes a lot of getting used to, but I guess the up side is that I'll be ambidextrous when I can finally use my left hand again.
After the vier versetzens, the Professor re-explained the sprechfenster and had us all practice those. We were supposed to do an uncooperative spar, starting off from longpoint and going wherever the wind took us, based on whether or not there was pressure applied to the blade at any given time. Twinkie's out of practice and was learning them for the first time, I was using my off hand again, and we hadn't much sabre experience anyway, so it was an interesting experiment. I think I understood what we were doing enough to get the idea- at least I was able to turn most of my langenorts into successful attacks, when we went slowly anyway. Then it was Twinkie's turn to do the same. I'm not sure how well we did, but when the Professor came by, he didn't have a whole lot of criticism, so I suppose that's good. We did a lot of watching the other guys too, then traded off partners a bit and tried it with masks also. Head shots only, and we were supposed to be sprechfenstering and watching for our windows to be open. Best part?
As the Professor put it: "If I am standing in the speaking window, and you do something that forces me to break that guard, then in a very real sense, I have been forced out of the window, see? Defenestrated."
So technically, I finally got to defenestrate someone! Woohoo!
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