FNY Report: I am NOT Groot

It's been ages I know, but I'm trying to get back into writing and figured the details on my first trip up to New York might be entertaining. It's a bit long, but there's a lot of people getting hit with sharp sticks, some oozy stuff, and lots of sword cookies.

I wasn't nearly as nervous this time before the tourney, since I've set my tournament bar to a nice and achievable level: don't die, learn as much as you can, try not to get shut out, and don't spend the entire time in pflug. Mostly it worked, though I still had some nerves. When I get nervous, I bake. Two hundred or so sword cookies later, I was ready. Ish.

Driving to upstate New York is much more fun when you're not the one doing the driving. Luckily, the Professor drove, and I just tried to stay awake the whole time. Tried. The best part though was seeing the look of mild horror on his face grow the further and further we drove past 'civilization'. I'd made him watch this wonderfully bad little horror film called "Treevenge" a few weeks ago... I suspect that memories were coming to haunt him as the trees grew thicker and more prolific. (https://vimeo.com/5048966 if you haven't seen it- it's 16 minutes of awesome) We'd left at o'dark thirty, and finally made it to our motel but were unable to check in so early, so we headed over to the campsite to meet up with our own Harnessfechten, who was camping. I don't do camping. Bugs like me too much. Everyone else within a ten mile radius would probably be safe, but I'd be covered in mosquito bites. If I had camped, I'd have stood there in the ring and let people poke me with swords, just to ease the itching. Ended up kinda doing that anyway, minus the itching, but that's for later.

It was hot and humid- two of the most awful words in the English language. So most people seemed to just be hanging out and talking, getting things set up, admiring people's swords (not a euphemism), and patting the puppies. The Professor's a social butterfly, so he flitted off to greet everyone. I renewed a few acquantances, got lots of hugs (huggiest bunch of people ever, seriously), met some new friends from Athena group in Boston, and ended up settling in the shade with Harnessfechten and our new yankee pals, learning more about CKDF pals, and petting puppies. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon, really, but it got even more fun when the cutting class started.

I like cutting. I rather rot at it, but it's fun. I would've sold my cat (not the nice one) for a notebook and pen so I could take notes, but Tristan had us practicing with feders, so that would've been tricky to do while holding a pen. It was fascinating really, just listening to all the factors that come into play when you're cutting- the blade alignment of course, plus footwork if you're moving or stationary, the motion of your hips, tightening your core... all of it. Apparently quite a lot of the oomph comes from the hip movement. I'm figuring if I can harness that motion, and get my alignment right, I have enough hip I should be able to take anyone in cutting! I ended up being one of the last to do my cutting on the tatami. Patience, thy name is Tristan. Between him and the Wizard Tim, I got all kinds of great tips to help improve my cutting. The Professor picked up a new cutting stand, and I got the old one, so I'll be practicing. I want to do as well as our Harness did filling in for the Professor in the cutting tourney next time!

After cutting was hanging around the campfire time, which is always entertaining. Good conversations and watching the silliness is fun. I think maybe we should start a HEMA Introverts group though. All us quiet folks could just sit on the edges and chill in harmony. And bugs. I think I kept everyone at the campfire safe and bug free. Also kept people sugared up when we passed around the first box of sword cookies. They didn't last long.

Saturday was tournament day! I wasn't at all nervous for some reason, though maybe I should've been. I still hate my gambeson- it's way too stiff and tight. (If you're getting one custom, I'd add at least half an inch to every measurement.) The rest of it I'm getting used to though, which is good. I really like my new Red Dragon gloves too, though the SPES fingertips are going to have to go. Or maybe I'll just cut them in half or something- they're too long for me to be able to bend the ends of my fingers. I got new shin guards too- the Samurai catcher's knees are kind of awesome, even though I couldn't get them in my blue. They have a piece that catches just above the knee, cover the whole length below, and wrap around enough to protect the sides and ankles too. They're great- and they just clip on and off easily. But a fencing mask rots when you wear glasses. There is no good way to get it on and off and have your glasses stay put. Then the lenses fog up. As you sweat, they slip. And you start to sweat a lot when you see that your first opponent is Captain America.

I'd been hoping to have a chance to try a fight with otherJake since Shortpoint last year. He's one of those fencers that's just pretty to watch. Perfect footwork, always on target, moving deliberately and with coordination I've never known. I've only really seen him fencing for fun before, light sparring at practice or being playful while testing rules. Not this time though. Intense focus. No more smiles, just serious and down to business. I hadn't ever seen Tournament otherJake. There was kind of a huffing and puffing to get ready (that was more in the cutting really, but it fits better here). I'm fairly convinced he grew another six inches taller. I'm pretty sure he got at least three wider. Maybe I was just overwhelmed. Either way, it was like meeting the Big Bad Wolf in person, and I've never felt quite so much like the whole bunny thing was a bad idea. I rarely take anything seriously. This though, I did. I won't deny it was a little scary.

And I wish to heck I could remember more of it. lol. I remember initially, the Professor telling me to take the fight over to the corner near one of the judges in particular. I wasn't to wait and defend, but go on the offense (ha!) and take the fight to him. He'd probably be in pflug, he said, he usually is- go in with a schielhau. So the ringboss yelled fight, and I moved forward... but he wasn't in pflug, and he wasn't waiting either. I don't even remember where I got hit, but that pass went quickly. We reset. Second pass, all I remember is the stars.

He had stars in his eyes. I'd never noticed. On his mask too. I didn't remember him having multicolored stars on his gambeson, but I hadn't looked properly before. They were on his sword too! There were stars on the ceiling! On the floor! Everywhere I looked, I could see them. Gloriously colored, flashing brightly. I stumbled, and distinctly remember thinking that I didn't want to squish the stars, so I kind of staggered but managed to stay upright, though leaning on my sword. I'm not sure if I gave him the post match hug that seems to go with all matches or not- sorry if I missed it though! I did hear the score announced, and totally mumbled "you're darn right he did" when they mentioned control points. Pretty sure I sat down for a bit after that. They tell me he did one of those "all your swords are belong to us" maneuvers- schwert nehmen I think (won't forget that one again), and caught me a wicked pommel strike. I'm sorry to have missed it. lol. Must've had my eyes closed. But I've got a pretty good goose egg and a dent in my mask as souvenirs!

So I continue my apparent habit of getting royally nailed in like the first match of each tournament I enter- but at least it wasn't my hand this time! After that, it had to get better. It did, actually. My other pool matches are a little fuzzy, but I know I at least scored in each of them, which was one of my goals. And forgive me for not remembering names, but I got two compliments that meant the world- one fellow commented that I displayed good technique, and another gave me my hug and said something like "well, that wasn't easy." I'm keeping them both, though I think they might have been exaggerating. The second fellow though showed me a definite flaw in my fighting- I'm not good at being the aggressor (clearly), so when I tried, he just politely parried my strikes and then paused... which made me pause, thinking they'd called time or I'd done something wrong... then he bonked me over the head. Excellent strategy vs. someone who apologizes for hitting you. Ringboss Bill (not going to call him Big Chief Tipi like the Professor suggested) called me on that too- don't stop fighting until someone stops you. Several times he said it, actually. I have to remember that. Feel free to use that strategy against me until I do. Got another compliment from him too, which means worlds. Maybe I'm not quite as awful as I think I am. Hey, at least I have fun with it.

Judging was fun, but I worry I'm missing stuff. I got drafted to be one of the junior judges for the Beginner's tourney. I like only having to watch one fighter- I feel like I miss a little less that way. I'm not entirely sure I like the order of hits stuff though- several times I felt that was way off, though that might have been mostly while I was fighting. I know that for a few of the calls in my favor, the other guy hit first. I'm sure it goes both ways, but still. I was trying to keep my calls neutral and not letting the others influence, but it sure is tough when you're not sure exactly what you saw. Luckily, we had a great Ringboss, and my hesitant calls actually matched what he saw fairly often. Why is judge certification not a thing? I'd do it. I think it'd be fun, and would definitely help in interpreting fights. Our Harnessfechten did great in the Beginner Tourney, and even better standing in for the Professor at cutting on Sunday. Spectators polished off the rest of the sword cookies as we watched Harness breeze through most of his cuts in the first round and get a good start on the second too. He did awesomely well, and it was his first time!

After the Beginners were the women's matches, which were fun too. Girl fights! My first women's match was a blast. I got the chance to face one of my new Boston pals that I had missed at IGX when I had to bow out after the great hand whacking. Great fun match, that one was. Boston Athena is a fabulous fencer. I also got to spar with a kitty, pink socks, Turquoise, and a few more (sorry, I forgot to ask name permissions before coming home). I actually won one of my matches too, with one of the ladies who ended up placing in the finals. Woohoo! My last match I got trounced by Turquoise, partly because she was awesome, and partly because she'd managed to land a solid shot right on top of my souvenir bump from earlier. She had pretty stars all in her hair too. It's a good look. So my very first match and my very last book-ended a pretty stellar day of fighting (pun totally intended). The rest of the day I got to spend in the ER watching them squish stuff back into the Professor's finger, but that's his story to tell.

Four things were hammered home that I definitely need to work on:

     1. I am NOT Groot. Must stop being a tree. Trees are sturdy and reliable, but also tend not to get out of the way. As in car accidents, this is not good. I stand way too unmoving in the ring.

     2. Bunnies are not aggressive. They need to be. A little aggression is not a bad thing. Especially when you're TRYING to hit someone with a sword. c vvvv                                                                      
     3. Wind high enough for it to actually do some good. Winden should not be little and cute.

     4. Abzug the heck out of the way after doing something right. Don't get hit.

OH! And aside from the goose egg, I only got one bruise! So apparently I'm at least covering my openings a bit better. Or I got lucky. Either way, bonus! Can't wait for Longpoint!

Week 37 - Size Matters

I'm afraid it really must be said. Size does matter. My ceilings can attest to that. When the day comes to sell my house, I may have to leave swords lying all over the floor or something to keep prospective buyers from ever looking up. However, were they to check out the ceiling, they would notice that my scheitelhaus are perfectly straight. I don't have a big house, so when the weather's cold or gross and I can't practice outside, I have to move from room to room when I practice. For schielhaus and zwerchs, I head to the kitchen, and so long as the dog doesn't come in, that works. Zornhau are trickier. For some reason, Tonka seems to think zorns are an invitation to play, so unless I want him chomping the end of the sword, I have to use doggy toys for those. We have a giant blue knotted rope that works pretty well, though the bottom of the 'sword' arc has a horizontal wiggle, and the upswing usually has a 60+ lb. furball clinging to it. I can usually pull off the scheitels and krumphau in the living room between the piano and the front door.

Generally speaking, my Pavel, who still needs a name, is the perfect size for most practicing, even inside. But then there's my new beauty. She's a Chlebowski feder, lovely and slim, but still curvy and heavy in the hand. Slightly shorter than Pavel and much lighter, she handles like a dream. I brought her to class, and several of the new guys really took to her. I think she might be getting some cousins soon, the way they were sizing her up. One of the New Kids seems to like her too, as she keeps disappearing before I can grab her when we're getting ready to drill during practice. I can't blame him- the balance is awesome, and she feels much better to me than the Ensifers the Professor had. (Though the new Ensifer long is very nice too, and it came in blue, which has me a bit envious.) I think I've come to favor the waisted grip, and she feels very much like the Pavel.

After this past weekend though, I may have become a convert. Apparently, I have a touch of the size queen in me. The Professor got a new toy for us at practice this week: a new montante blunt. She's gorgeous- taller than me, a lot thinner, and far deadlier. I should be jealous probably, but if I could ever manage to tame her, we could beat the stuffing out of anyone. Mr. Montante & his Ninja Turtle pal delivered her and guest-taught the class this week. It's always fascinating listening to people talking about things that excite them, and you can hear the love for the art in every word that the guys spoke. Most of the words themselves were just flying past my head, names of Italians and Spaniards and tons of other terms that just whizzed past me ears making funny buzzing sounds, but Mr. Montante's enthusiasm was palpable as he taught us about fending off more than one attacker.

It was really neat actually- we learned new footwork (sort of) of three different varieties, and we learned circle cuts, which are essential for getting people to back the heck off so you can smite them properly when wielding the gigantic whirling blade of death. We learned about stable turns, passing in reverse, and cross steps, as used vs. multiple opponents, keeping yourself protected the whole time. But much like the opposite of what happens when I take the truck to the garage and the mechanic finds nothing wrong, I could do the turns and cuts fine on my own when nobody was watching, but the second I had to do it in front of everyone, it all fell apart. This time I think it was the Ninja Turtle that was despairing of me, though he was patient and tried to walk me through the steps and turns. I go too fast, swing too far, and don't get my arms up high enough for the circle cut to be effective. You're supposed to have your sword covering your back when you circle, but I can't seem to get the sword angle vertical enough. Sadly, I absolutely don't have room in the house to practice the circle cuts, so have to wait until the weather's better before I get to try that one again.

We even got to put the multiple opponents thing to work at the end of class with a battle royale melee and a game called Thermopylae. The battle royale showed everyone just how different you have to think vs. more than one opponent- people were getting poked left and right, and nobody lasted very long. Ezio especially was catching folks with their backs turned and stabbing them right in the tush. Harness was waiting until people were distracted, then would catch them off guard, which seemed to work pretty well. Some of the new guys were seeming to forget about there being more than one opponent, though they did well too. The Professor played the last round and managed to trounce everyone of course, but it was fun to watch. For the last game, half the folks were Spartans, half were playing Persian, and one set had to try and fend off the others. Once we 'died' we were resurrected for the other side. Lack of equipment had me sitting out the first part, but I found a lone arming sword simulator that someone had brought and managed to get into the last few games. We were on the defending end twice, which I guess made us the Spartans. After we were slaughtered the first time, the Professor coached us a bit and had us try a rotating triangle defense. I'm not sure that worked much better, but somehow I managed to survive- probably because I was to the side back of the rotation. I'd thought I was out, but the Professor said it was an incidental contact.My fellow Spartans headed over to join the Persian army. So somehow only I was left to defend Greece.

The cheese stood alone... a feta worse than death for one who lacked all confidence in her swordly skills. I looked down at my pathetic little one-handed arming sword, then at the mad Persian forces bearing down on me. I remembered Mr. Montante's teaching about the circle cuts and gave it a whirl, my blade ripping through the air, laying waste to all before me, scattering foes like grain! I gave a fearsome growl, and determined I would not apologize! Sparta would prevail!

Well... that's the way it went in my mind, anyway. Kinda not what happened, really. I got crushed. My growl of fury was more of a squeak. I tagged maybe two guys with sad little slices. Nothing really got wasted. Sadly, an arming sword is not a montante. It's not nearly so intimidating, and only makes stupid tiny ringlets of minor ouchiness, not lovely giant circles of death and destruction. And with all the other swords crashing in on me, I think I actually hit myself with it. Besides, we already knew how that story was going to end. But hey, what did he expect? I'm Irish, not Greek.

Week 36 - The Bugs Bunny Play

Going to two classes weekly is kicking my tail... but in a good way, I guess. Except that my back aches halfway through the regular one. It's been awesome, actually. I've been going to the beginner class, which is giving me the chance to reinforce basics and providing another set of explanations about how and why we do things the way they do. The first time around, the reasoning was all different. This time, the Professor seems to be explaining things a bit more. Maybe having to teach me helped him figure out how to simplify things. Then there was the part of class called "Lefties Give Everyone Problems," in which I had to do the plays with several people, so they could all have the experience of fighting the solo obnoxious one in the group. I'm getting better at trying stuff from both sides, which is good, I guess. 

Still Wallerstein-ing. Oberhaus to scales, scales parried aside, pommel strikes to the face... I'm really bad at that one. It's that hitting people thing again. I can't help apologizing, which gets me whacked every time. Anyway, it was a lot of scales to hangen, scales to pflug, oberlauffen at some point, a bunch of others... I need to just go look these things up so I have a reference. I've got the wiktenauer as my home page at work now, which threw off the tech lady when she borrowed my computer for a demo. I guess we've done nine different plays or so. I have to admit my favorite was one of the last we learned- I'm calling it the Bugs Bunny play.

It's one of those Wallerstein plays, plate 11 says the Professor. If I remember rightly, it starts off with one going into the scales, winding high, then sort of bullrushing forward the second the other guy tries to do anything. The raised arms end up pushing the other guy's sword behind his head and you kind of just mow him down. I'd been paired with the Professor for this set of plays, so when he did the rush forward, he thankfully stopped short of sending me to the floor, but ended up with his arms around me and my own sword far out of the way where it could do no damage. I tend to panic in these bullrush-y moments, as happened at Longpoint when I tried to turn into a turtle with Odin. This time though, I had a total Bugs Bunny moment. You remember in Bugs' cartoons, when he'd get into some kind of trouble with Porky Pig or Yosemite Sam, end up right close to them, and then grab them by the ears and plant a great big smacking kiss right on their surprised faces? Ya, that was me. Totally wasn't thinking anything sketchy, honest, but that was my immediate reaction. I turned to the Professor, but he apparently was reading my mind, because he kinda growled "don't you dare!" and let go. I tried to stifle my laughs, but ended up choking on them instead. My new favorite play. Definitely.

Week 34 & 35 - Pepperoni or Supreme?

I'd been having withdrawal symptoms. I haven't written in ages, but I'm not slacking, honestly! I just haven't been able to play for weeks! It's been awful. First it was the week of Christmas, and I was on party-duty during practice, so I missed that week. New Guy saw me looking forlornly out the window at everybody practicing at one point, and sent me a sympathetic look, but the boys all stayed outside to play. (It worked out though, because we got all the party stuffs set up and had a lovely time after practice.) The practice after Christmas, I drove back from visiting family so that I'd make it in time for practice... only for the Professor to end practice early that day. Missed another. Then two weeks ago, I made it a bit early, only to find that nobody was there. We'd apparently gotten indoor quarters for winter (YAY! no more frozen nose & toes), but nobody'd thought to mention it to me until I got there. Grr. So I headed over to the new place, but practice had already started and I couldn't get hold of anyone to come open the door. After 20 minutes of standing around in the cold wind, I gave up and went to the movie theatre next door. (That new "Night at the Museum" movie is cute, by the way.)

But finally, I got to practice again. And cripes, the new people! We have got to start renaming these people, because I think we're up to New Guy to the 6th power or something. Anyway, the Professor posted the group on MeetUp around Christmas time, and we've been getting new folk every week since. First was one of the high school kids Deadpool's been substitute teaching for, then came another, and another. Another too, I think. And one came last week to check us out too. I'm collectively calling them the 'New Kids in the Ochs' until we find better names. The Scout came first the week of the party too- a visitor checking out the scene for himself and his pal. I got to talk to him briefly in between bouts of setting up for the party. He brought a friend, who is Mr. Enthusiasm all over. Then there's the fellow with the magnificent Moustache. And another girl too! Though she missed last week due to work. We actually had so many newbies that the Professor had to split the class. Now we have two, beginners in the early afternoon, intermediates just after that. We've got barely enough swords for everyone in the beginner group, but some are so gung-ho that they've already ordered their own feders or bought their own synthetics, so that problem won't last.

We've been doing plays from the Codex Wallerstein since Christmas. I asked why all the different books, and was told it's all about having options, apparently. We learn the individual pieces, then use them in applications and different plays so that we'll have a repertoire to pull from when we need them. Or to show off in those paired forms competitions that unnerve me so. We learn all the basics (Liechtenauer), then can fancy them up with the Wallersteins and Psuedo-Peters and even spice it with Meyerish stuff. Like pizza. The base is all the same, but the way you put it together can make all the difference, can even make it seem like something entirely new. Unfortunately, I like my pizzas relatively plain. This doesn't bode well for my fighting technique.