Saturday, January 25, 2014

Week 13ish - I'm Not Sorry, Dangit!

Woohoo! Private Lesson! Well, not really, but that's kind of what it ended up like since nobody else showed up. Excellent- I'd have one-on-one instruction. I'd get the chance to learn something the others hadn't yet, and for the first time might actually be ahead in class.

Unfortunately, it didn't take me long to realize the down side of this perfect teacher-student ratio. There was absolutely nothing to deflect the attention from me. There was no opportunity to watch the others to figure out what I was supposed to be doing. No chance to work things out with a sparring partner. No listening to hear the questions the others were asking. And I hadn't practiced anything all week. I hadn't even brought the sword in out of the truck. (That earned me some funny looks when I went to pick up my niece, I must say.) Not so excellent.

So I was trying to recall the steps of the Döbringer Flourish, and actually remembered something about koalas krumphauing over plowed platypuses or whatever it was, and managed to muddle through it, more or less. "There it is! Now do it again!" he calls out. I live for those comments. So I do it again. And again. And another few times, just to be sure. Once he's convinced I've got that down, we move on. I suspect this is going to be like standardized tests the government demands the kids take at school- I've got it for now, long enough to past the test. The real proof will be whether I still remember it next week.

After the fancy donuts, we moved on to Durchwelseln. Durchwelselns? Durchwelselni? No idea. I thought he'd sneezed at first, anyway. I have to write these things down so I have word associations to go with them. How do you pluralize all these German terms anyway? No idea. So the Professor says we're moving on to sneezing with swords, and I feel woefully unprepared. But then I always seem to, so that's nothing new.

Durchwechseln - changing through

Here's where we see if I remember what I learned this week. If I'm weak in the bind, I kind of flick my wrists and pull my sword out of the bind, then slip around to the other side of my opponents' sword, then am (theoretically) perfectly in line for a thrust. Or if I'm fast enough, I slip around his sword before it even reaches mine to bind. Then I wind up into an absetzen to poke him in the throat.

Correction to previous post: Absetzens do NOT make my heart fonder. I do not like them here or there, I do not like them anywhere. I flipping hate absetzens. "Get your arms up!" Much grumbling under my breath, which hopefully he didn't hear. The mask is good for that at least- hiding my inventive but whispered growly threats. Why the apologies can't stay hidden too, I don't know.

We keep practicing, the Professor telling me to strike at him so he can show me what it's supposed to do. But he has no mask on! I don't know what I'm doing! I mean, I know a little bit, but not enough to inspire confidence. Sure I know I probably won't be able to hit him intentionally, but it's not that part that worries me. I'm more worried about doing it wrong, or doing something unexpected accidentally and thwacking him. I'm already running around with a sharp pointy object, which my mother warned me against as a kid. It seems like actually trying to strike someone who's unprotected with said pointy stick is just asking for trouble. You know, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye or whatever. "Hit me! We don't train to miss!" Grrr... Fine. I snap my sword forward and come down the edge of his shoulder. I gasp out a "sorry!" and he whacks me on top of the head.

Ok... I was raised that if you did something that could hurt someone else, whether you meant to or no, you apologized. If it was bad enough, you needed to try and smooth things over and make amends. Usually that involved baked goods and hand-written notes. Normally this serves me quite well, and I usually manage to avoid getting into situations that require apologies and making up. I'm normally one of those folks who goes out of the way to make people comfortable. The "Bunny" nickname thing partially came about because of that- if you asked my friends to come up with three words to describe me, gentle, caring, and sweet tend to be top of the list.

The long and short of all that is this- apologizing is second nature by now. All the other kids at sword practice have gotten them time and again. If I score a hit, an apology follows. It might be under my breath if I remember in time, but they usually just slip out. So when I'm sparring the Professor and he's telling me to hit him, and I actually do score a blow, I can no more stop the apology slipping out than I can quit breathing. And that earns me a shot on top of the head and a snapped "Quit apologizing!" Every time.

It kills me, that disappointed growl. It hurts worse than being clocked upside the head. But I can't seem to knock off the apologies. I know the whole point is to try and hit people. I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I know they all chose to be here too and take their chances getting whacked with big metal bars.  Knowing all that doesn't help. The apologies still slip. Maybe I need to learn to do it in other languages, so they're not recognizable as sorries. For the foreseeable future though, I'll just be trying to keep them quiet, hoping the mask will muffle them.

So... if I end up facing any of you in a match someday, just to be clear: I am not entirely sorry if I hit you, but I do still feel a little bad about it. And to make amends, I'll bring cookies.

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