Week 17 - Only a Fool Uses a Melon Baller to Fight Vampires

More reviews of zorn orts this week. I can do them just fine when we practice, but any time we actually get to free spar, I swear everything I’ve learned just falls right out of my head. I’m hoping the idea is just to get so used to the motions that they start slipping in when you’re not expecting them- kind of like I used to hope that if I slept on my organic chemistry book the info would somehow seep into my head through the process of diffusion. Loving to learn and working with kids, I’m totally familiar with the ‘CLICK!’ that kicks in sometimes when sudden understanding hits… but I haven’t clicked just yet with the swords. So mostly I just try and be all nonchalant and watch what everyone else does to jog my memory, then pick it back up. My practice partner seemed to be in the same boat for a bit, so that was comforting.

Oh! Random aside... I can't watch movies any more with sword fighting in them! It's ridiculous... I don't entirely know what I'm doing half the time, but I find myself snorting at some of the sword play in these films. I was trying to watch the "Hobbit" with my ex-sister in law, "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" with mom, "Once Upon a Time", whatever, and I find myself becoming the peanut gallery, laughing and pointing out stuff and having people look at me like I'm a loon. I'm becoming a sword snob!

Anyway, after the zorns we moved on to learn something new. First was a counter to alber- scheitelhau. Bring your sword down to part your opponent's hair, or his head if he doesn't block fast enough. Then was Kron! It just sounds cool. Not as cool as zwerchau of course, but still. Kron: ward off the vampires by raising your sword so the crossguard is in front of your face, and high enough so you don't get bonked when someone tries to part your hair. If I remember, kron would get you into a bind if you didn't shove it off to the side, and is most likely to lead to grappling. After that, we tried händedrücken - the melon ball cut. Pressing the hands, really, but melon ballers are more fun. After a bind, wind around half a dozen times and try and hold on to your sword, and if you do it right it'll feel really weird and you'll scoop a chunk off the side of your opponent. Or, you know, just wind to the inside, then back out again. I'm thinking I need to get someone with a sharp to try that on me, but only if I get to pick the places to be scooped. I could do to lose a little off the sides... Anyway, we were having some trouble with that one, but apparently it was just because we were going so slowly. The Professor assured us that at speed it'd work. I'm sure we'll try it again next week, so I guess we'll find out.

Feet feet feet! Maybe I need to start wearing shoes with spurs so that they make noise when I hit the ground correctly. I’m still getting nailed for the fairy-feet, even when I’m specifically trying not to- so I’m thinking I really don’t understand the whole footwork thing. At Shortpoint, Mr. Montante had said something about growling while I stomp down with my forward step. I need to try that more I guess. I know the Professor's always going on about activating your hips when you swing. I try and remember that stuff, but I’m apparently afraid of squishing bugs or something. Or it might work to tape some bubble wrap to the porch so I can practice stomping properly.

Actually though, for sparring this week, for the first time I actually truly thought about a maneuver and managed to execute it without pausing and stop-thinking my way through it. We were playing King of the Mountain with our free sparring, where the first to score 3 good shots on the other got to stay in the ring, and fought the next opponent, then the next, until only one was left. Usually my free sparring is anything but… either it’s purely reaction-based: I see a sword coming at my head, have an “EEEK!” moment, throw up some sort of block and forget all about attacking, or I pause after every step, trying to remember how I’m supposed to react to ‘x’, what I’m supposed to follow it up with, where my feet are supposed to be, etc. This time though, my playmate seemed to be focusing mostly on thrusts, probably because I never seem to know quite how to handle them. Anyway, I thought I might have an opening above where I might not get clocked with an afterblow. And it worked! ZWERCHAU! I love them! I can’t cut worth beans with that strike, but still. So I got to be Queen of the Mountain! Ok, so ya, I went last. And I only beat one person. And I laughed myself stupid while Professor Deadpool danced for me, then beat me soundly. But still, I was the sword-wielding Bunny Queen for like a whole five minutes! All right, closer to two. Badger me not with details.

I'm sure there's a bunch I'm missing, but it's late and I've spent over ten hours driving today, so that's all I can remember. Well, mostly I just can't think any more. It's been quite a week, between the melon ballers and vampires, then the fridge dying, the wiring in the house having to be replaced, the nasty cold I caught from the little plague monkeys at school, three days spent with 30 crazy but sweet and funny (and dirty!) older ladies at a quilt retreat, seven hours driving, a little break for fun and games, then three more hours driving through a snowstorm with 15 ft. visibility at 20 miles an hour, only to finally get home to find that the new fridge leaked water all over the floor and ruined a cabinet... oh! And I got a new sword! But I forgot to pick it up. *cries*

This day can be over now?